Quintessential

Manuel S. Faria

Outside, the late afternoon lays its wishful hand into the virgin sky, intertwining the purity and softness of the newly-found clouds with the lurid sun rays, in such graceful way, creating an idyllic scenery containing beautifully blended pigments ranging from light baby pink to the impactful peach colors, everything unified with the most brilliant yellow – And there I
was, mesmerized, looking at the sunset thinking of how quintessential it was of you.

It shouldn’t be a surprise how comfortable those late, warm, lights made me feel. It’s as if I could touch you right there, because there you were, with your heartfelt smile, as radiant as always, and those dazzling eyes that can perpetuate anyone who dares to look at them; but before I could hold on tight to such perfection, you vanished into thin air, leaving me alone in the cold nights with the moon as the witness of our dire try. It only takes a moment to realize how that first touch, how the first look and how the first ever exchanged words will always remain a part of you, they will all replay in your mind every day, and they will hunt you anywhere you go because it doesn’t matter how many people have you ever loved, how many have you’ve  kissed or how many more you’ve hugged. When you meet the right person, it will be the first person you’ve ever loved, ever kissed and ever meet. The right one.

You are never truly prepared for life, no one is, doesn’t matter the amount of precautions you take, life always finds a way to frighten you, and for me, it was meeting you. From the moment I met you, I was amused by your candent character, implacable figure and your exceptional intellect. With such person, it is only natural to be intimidated, scared and insecure; never have I felt such rush, such agony and such desperation. I was too scared to ever talk to you, I apologize.

I meet you nonetheless. At first, we never talked much, but as I got a boost of confidence I started to get to know you, and God did I get to know you, from the moment I met you, it was as though I had entered a labyrinth of red roses, and the deeper I went in, the more I never wanted to get out. Listening to you talk was more melodic than any of Mozart’s Concerts, more entertaining than any book written by J.K Rowling, and more fulfilling than obtaining any Ivy League degree. I could spend hours hearing about your stories, with those keen flames of excitement in your eyes.

I choose to tell you the truth about my feelings and before you could even speak a word, the laws of physics were challenged, the time stopped, my heart was beating faster than any engine and then you said ‘yes’. I spend hours at night thinking, planning and wondering about us. I had just meet you, but I had to make-up for the time that it took me to find you. Although we were only in the beginning stage, I had an entire life planned with you: A house in Sydney, five kids (Connor, Mathew, Isabella, Valerie, & Danielle), one dog (pug- Charlie), two cars, our jobs, our lives, our families, everything was extensible through to the nitty-gritty.
It was impossible to ever take my mind away from you. You were my universe.

It is so funny how life turns itself around, I never thought of sharing my life with anyone and look where I was. I started to think of someone besides myself, only after I met you – a completely foreign concept to me. I was perplexed when I’d play scenarios on my head like ‘What would I do if someone pointed you and the kids with a gun?’ I’d Jump-in and take the bullet, ‘What would I do if a thief entered our home?’ I’d protect you with my life. ‘What if you were in an accident and you need a heart transplant?’ I’d give you mine. I suddenly realized that I would do anything, even if it meant sacrificing myself for you.

I will never forget your birthday, when right before blowing the flames of the burning candles you had a stroke. Luckily, everything was fine, but I could have never forgiven myself (and I never did) if anything had happened to you. I was in shock. I couldn’t talk, or move, or do anything but to stand there, useless. At this point I had an outrageous epiphany – Without you, I am nothing. I can’t lose you.
While in the hospital, in what can only be called the worst of times, all I could do was thank God, thank every God there is or ever was or will ever be, and the entire universe, and anyone I could possible thank, that I got to meet the love of my life.

Time went by, and so did life, just like we had planned. Huge wedding. Many kids. Life full of leisure and enjoyment. Luxuries. Everything you could possibly think of. Everything was so perfect and beatific. Yet, I couldn’t take something off my mind: You loved me the same way I loved you. That was a mistake. I always knew you would do anything for me, even if it meant risking your own life, I knew how much I meant to you and, that you wouldn’t be able to carry-out life without me. I kept that note at the back of my mind through every stupid fight, every sleepy Sunday afternoon, every bit of jealousy or uncertainty, I remained focus on the clarity rather than on the darkness.  

But the awful occurred, I was unable to change history’s course, resulting in the horrifying tragedy that always comes from love. At some time, I had to perish and leave you alone to suffer or you had to perish and leave me alone to suffer. One worse than the other, slowly our one lurid, bright, afternoon turned into a harsh winter night.

You were the most quintessential part of me. Well… you would have been in the case that you were real, not a mere product of my imagination. In the case that I could touch you, rather than feel you. In the case that I could see you, rather than sense you.

We’ve never meet, but I cannot stop thinking about how it would be to meet someone like you, to meet you, and I know that you are wondering how it would be to meet someone like me, to meet me. See, I am waiting for you just like you are waiting for me. It is only a question of time until our paths cross each other to give birth to our story. The problem is, I cannot change the inevitable outcome of grievance and pain that comes along love. You will never read this because I’d rather suffer for the both of us than see any one tear coming out of your eyes or living knowing that tomorrow my departure could mean the end of you. I would much rather make this the end of me. I have been blessed with the amazing gift of having a picture of you painted by this sunset; your soft peachy skin, your baby pink checks and your long blond hair will be the last portrait that I have in my mind, that is how you know I died a happy man. Now find love. I am sure there is someone waiting for you.

I’ve never meet you, but you will always be the most quintessential part of my life.


Love,
Me.